While my husband was suffering with his cancer, which eventually led to his death, I had a tendency to look back at the “what if’s” or mostly, I would look into the future and say “what if”? I have come to realize that the question “what if” only leads to the feelings of sadness, fear, regret, despair, and other undesireable feelings.
During that time, I had a friend who gave me some really
great advice. He counseled me to always
stay in the present. It is only when I live in the present that I can use my
gift of agency, the right to choose for myself. I have contemplated that advice and have
discovered that is some of the best advice I have received.
Before we were born , we lived as spirit children with a loving Heavenly Father. Heavenly Father’s plan, the plan of
salvation, was presented to us in the Council in Heaven. Satan did not want that plan. He wanted a plan that would take away our
agency. Because we are all here, we
accepted Heavenly Father’s plan and chose to accept Jesus Christ as our Savior.
Heavenly Father’s plan gives us agency to make our own
choices. What is the one thing Satan
wants to have control over? If he can
gain control over our agency, he is accomplishing his goal…his original plan
that was presented in the pre-mortal world.
If we are looking in the past, are we exercising our agency? If we are
looking into the future, are we exercising our agency? No, in both cases. The ONLY time we can exercise our agency is
in the present. We can’t change the
past…we can learn from it…but can’t change it.
We can’t change the future…it has happened yet.
When we stay in the present, we are able to make
choices. We can deal with the issues at
hand. We can make wise choices that will
lead to a better future. Life is not so
overwhelming. I don’t get the deep
despair as long as I remember to stay in the present!
Obviously, I am not perfect.
My mortal mind gets going and I still have my moments where I look back
or I look to the future with “what if’s”. Those old feelings of fear, sadness,
despair, and regret come back. When I
start to feel that way, I know that I am letting Satan make my choices for
me. I realize I need to take back that
power! Sometimes, I regain taking charge of my agency quicker than other times.
Being in the present brings happiness and joy. When I live in the present, I am living in
the moment. I notice the funny things my
children say; I notice the sun that is shining; I notice the song on the radio;
I notice that I love the dirt flying at me while riding my UTV; I notice the
things I am grateful for; most importantly, I notice the promptings of the Holy
Spirit …
Obviously, by living in the present, my life is not going to
be perfect and I won’t feel continuous joy. The scriptures do not say I will
have joy all the time! That is not a
part of the plan. I must have opposition
in all things. It is through opposition
that I know sadness vs. happiness, grief vs. peace, etc…
There are things that happen in the present that can be
painful or trying or just downright horrible!
You know…like watching someone you deeply love
suffer…the death of your spouse...your child crying to you because they feel like they have no
friends...going to the dentist. But, once I have made it
through the present situation, it is done.
I have learned from it. I can
choose to move forward and experience the next thing in the present…which could
be something amazingly great that I missed out on because I was too focused on
the past or worried about the future.
Interestingly enough, I put the phrase “men are they might
have joy” in Google to reference the scripture in this blog post (because I
couldn’t remember the scripture reference).
The first search that came up was 2 Nephi 2:27 (Book of Mormon). I went to the highlighted verse and this is
what is says:
27 Wherefore,
men are free
according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are
expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great
Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the
captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto
himself.
My first thought was, well that was
kind of dumb. It doesn’t say joy in this
scripture. Why did it highlight this
scripture? Then I started
thinking…hmmm…my post is about living in the present so you can exercise your agency
to choose…so you can find happiness and joy…this scripture is talking about
choosing….what do the previous scriptures say?
Then
I read verse 25&26:
25 Adam fell that men might be;
and men are,
that they might have joy.
26 And the Messiah cometh in the
fulness of time, that he may redeem the children of men
from the fall. And because that they are redeemed from the fall
they have become free forever, knowing good
from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon, save it be by the
punishment of the law at the great and last
day, according to the commandments which God hath given.
Coincidence? Nope. This just confirms to me that it is our
agency that enables us to experience joy.
They go hand in hand! And the
only way I can exercise my agency is in the present!
So how does this knowledge help me? What I have realized is this. I can cope with life and actually find some
happiness and joy if I stay in the present. Honestly,
no
words can adequately describe the pain and suffering you feel when you lose
your spouse. It is not only difficult to deal with your loss, but you are left
to deal with the loss your children feel. You become a single
parent. You are faced with many challenges you aren't sure that you are
prepared to handle.
If I allow myself to sit and think about the past or future I am focused
on just that. I don’t notice anything in
the present. I miss out on living. I feel a lot more misery than happiness. I begin to feel deep despair over the loss of my husband.
I have discovered the four main things that help me to stay in
the present are prayer, scripture study, service, and gratitude. These are things I must do daily! All of these things give me spiritual strength. It is my spiritual strength that helps me to stay focused...my mortal mind wants to think about the past and the future. If one of these four components
is missing, I find that I do not maintain my ability to stay in the present.
By staying in the present, it doesn’t mean I don’t look to
the future or back at the past. It would
be crazy to think that I can only stay in the present.
In the April 2008, Liahona magazine, Thomas S.
Monson says following things we should do:
1.
Learn
from the past.
2.
Prepare
for the future.
3.
Live in
the present.
Professor Harold Hill, in Meredith Willson’s The Music Man, cautioned, “You pile up enough tomorrows, and you’ll find you’ve collected a lot of empty yesterdays.”
There is no tomorrow to remember if we don’t do something today, and to live most fully today, we must do that which is of greatest importance. Let us not procrastinate those things which matter most.
I remember reading the account of a man who, just after the passing of his wife, opened her dresser drawer and found there an item of clothing she had purchased when they visited the eastern part of the United States nine years earlier. She had not worn it but was saving it for a special occasion. Now, of course, that occasion would never come.
In relating the experience to a friend, the husband of the deceased wife said, “Don’t save something only for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion.”
As stated in 2 Nephi 2:26, I choose to act for myself and
not be acted upon! If I allow myself to
dwell in the past or the future, Satan is acting upon me. The key word here is DWELL! I am going to learn from the past, prepare
for the future, and live in the present!
Thank you, Sandra! Great insights!
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